Why do I second guess myself so much?

I was never a spontaneous writer (much as I would love to be). 

From the time I started blogging, I would write and then edit, maybe rewrite or restructure parts of it and then just post it. I look back at my blogs today and am still very happy with them. Just tells me I was doing something right at that time. 

Of course, on occasion I have spoken to someone when I wasn’t sure of direction or specific content but that was a rare thing. The same went for work emails, I never had cause to wonder if I was communicating the right thing. 

In recent times, I find myself second guessing my creative process a lot - whether it is writing, graphics, even photography. 

I started a new blog a couple of days ago but couldn’t finish it. Fortunately I could get it done today and just as I was about to post it, I sent it to some friends instead asking their opinion. 

While creating a graphic this morning, I asked the option of three people through the process of making it. 

This is so weird. I really wondering why I have started doing this? 

I know its not lack of confidence - since I actually like the way I write and the aesthetics I present in my digital work. It’s not like I have a lot riding on the stuff I am doing, because I am doing them for myself. 

Neither is it because I am writing after a long time. Creating content and managing four different Instagram accounts has me writing more than I have in years and on varied subjects at that. 

When I break it down, there is no real reason to second guess myself. I think this is just me looking for a little extra validation from people other than myself. Silly as that sounds. 

While validation is always very nice and welcome, it is not my driving force. Here’s to being more spontaneous and free. And to prove that, I am posting this immediately. 

PS: It so nice to be blogging again. 

PPS: I did go back and edit this slightly, once I re-read it. Oh well!