All I Need is Within Me

For years;
I looked for answers, I thought my questions were wrong. 
I needed motivation, I thought my people were too busy. 
I yearned for validation, I thought no one really cared.

I sought strength, I felt I was weak.
I wandered everywhere, until I was lost. 
Finally, I turned within, to start afresh.
And there I found it all!

A Spool of Thread

There was once a spool of thread,
Made from shades of pink and purple.
He was a happy fellow,
Spreading joy with every unwind.
He shared himself with some buttons, 
Becoming best friends with them.
The kind that hold you close all your life.
Part of him became some beautiful flowers
As embellishment on a graceful white dress.
And dots on lovely linen napkins.
As time went by, he naturally thinned,
Losing bulk but not the shine.


Till one day, the end was close.
He thought back and smiled
He remembered all the beauty he became.
Finally, when his tail jumped free, he felt only joy. 

The Heart

A heart doesn’t break; not easily anyway. 
Love grows it and trust keeps it. 
When betrayed, it adapts to accept.
Painful as it maybe. 

But it doesn’t shrink
It just folds it all up
And stores it away.
Making space for love anew.

-- -- -- -- -- -- 

This poem is inspired by and dedicated to someone who lives in my heart. I want it to remind her that the trials she faces today will only make her stronger and teach her to love even more than she does today (if that is even possible).

Haiku for a Haiku

So random. So droll. 
But does it actually work?
Go on, be the judge. 

Pencil

Apsara to a writer
A gift of love and faith
She is a sharp scribbler.
 

The Now

Remember yesterday, but move on, 
The now has no space for regret or revelry.

Plan for tomorrow, but move on, 
The now has no time for fear or fantasy.

Be mindful of today, that’s what matters, 
You are the Now and the Now is You!

The rules of interaction and conversation have changed

Man is a social being and from the beginning of time has always been a part of a social forum. 

What started as a family unit grew to include multiple families. Some nomads became settlers, villages and then towns were founded and so on. As communities grew, small groups were created based on commonalities of age, interest, activity, profession, etc.

From the time of cave paintings to the instant messaging and social media we use today, communication has been a vital part of this growth and as it evolved, so has the very nature of social forums. 

Information, discussions, opinions; it has never been easier to share than it is today. But along with these new levels of openness and transparency, something inherent has changed as well. The fine lines of appropriate conversation, the un-written rules of decorum, the respect for space and privacy; all of it is different now. 

Marketing messages, political fanaticism, spreading rumours, sharing other people’s private information; the list goes on. Everything seems to have become fair game to some. Add to this, they take offence if you point it out or will blatantly ignore the unwritten rules, even after being reminded of them. 

All my life I have been taught and have followed a basic principle of appropriate content and/or conversation, depending on the medium; I still do! Images, conversations, forwards - they have to make sense to the person/s you are sharing it with. You can’t be all willy nilly about it. 

Would you share painting techniques on a Biology forum? I think not!

When you are part of multiple social forums, it is by and large very clear what each one represents. Whether specified or not, there are always some rules to follow. If unsure, ask; if you upset people, stop. There will always be different opinions within a community, but you can’t forget basic manners and good behaviour. Respect the forum and your fellow members. 

What is it about fashion that makes me feel powerful?

I remember the feeling when I first watched The Devil wears Prada. At that time I thought it was the absolute authority that Meryl Streep exuded, but I don’t think it was just that. 

I am currently watching a show called The Bold Type - again a fashion magazine for women, and most of the characters are women. The boss lady in this could not be more different than Meryl Streep’s character. But I still get the same feeling from this show as I did from the movie. 

I have been wondering what it is about the movie and the show that makes me feel powerful, sexy, energetic and makes me crave that life?

The most obvious answer that comes to my mind is ‘aspirations’. 

In the world of fashion, as shown on screen, most of the women are fit and healthy. They wear the most interesting clothes, carry gorgeous bags, accessorise with the ultimate panache and their shoes are to die for. All these are things I would love. 

But I know its not just this because if it was, a fashion magazine would also give me a similar feeling and they don’t, in fact, they leave me quite flat. 

As I continue to watch the show, I realise that a lot of this aspiration has to do with women in the work place. Up and coming hard working women, already made it to the top successful women, bold adventurous risk taking women - this is what charges me up.

I love that they are independent in thought and deed, not afraid to speak up for they believe in, yet have their own vulnerabilities. They work hard, party hard, love fiercely and give their all for the sisterhood all while having what seems like boundless energy. 

Makes me proud to be a woman and makes me aspire to find or create a lifestyle like this for myself. And in the meantime I live vicariously through shows and movies. 

Why do I second guess myself so much?

I was never a spontaneous writer (much as I would love to be). 

From the time I started blogging, I would write and then edit, maybe rewrite or restructure parts of it and then just post it. I look back at my blogs today and am still very happy with them. Just tells me I was doing something right at that time. 

Of course, on occasion I have spoken to someone when I wasn’t sure of direction or specific content but that was a rare thing. The same went for work emails, I never had cause to wonder if I was communicating the right thing. 

In recent times, I find myself second guessing my creative process a lot - whether it is writing, graphics, even photography. 

I started a new blog a couple of days ago but couldn’t finish it. Fortunately I could get it done today and just as I was about to post it, I sent it to some friends instead asking their opinion. 

While creating a graphic this morning, I asked the option of three people through the process of making it. 

This is so weird. I really wondering why I have started doing this? 

I know its not lack of confidence - since I actually like the way I write and the aesthetics I present in my digital work. It’s not like I have a lot riding on the stuff I am doing, because I am doing them for myself. 

Neither is it because I am writing after a long time. Creating content and managing four different Instagram accounts has me writing more than I have in years and on varied subjects at that. 

When I break it down, there is no real reason to second guess myself. I think this is just me looking for a little extra validation from people other than myself. Silly as that sounds. 

While validation is always very nice and welcome, it is not my driving force. Here’s to being more spontaneous and free. And to prove that, I am posting this immediately. 

PS: It so nice to be blogging again. 

PPS: I did go back and edit this slightly, once I re-read it. Oh well!

I wonder..

 

i wonder.. if i will write again

i wonder.. if i will ever know what i want in my heart

i wonder.. if i will ever stop loving 

i wonder.. if i will ever walk in fields of gold

i wonder.. if the magic is still out there

i wonder.. if some dreams will ever come true

i wonder.. if i will ever be who i thought i was

i wonder.. if my heart will ever skip a beat again